Disclosing clues and lies. My good friend Debbie had to be mean to me in her character. I was kinda surprised at how well she did. Hmmmmm...... :)
We have an opportunity to get a newborn puppy that is going to need to be bottle fed ... A Shitzu.... a cute and healthy runt.... but, its just that... well.... thats a long commitment...how can I go live in the jungle with a puppy... but Annah wants a puppy... we live in the country, she is home-schooled and she would benefit from having a small pet to care for.
And What if I never make it out of the country and spend years saying no to a puppy because we may leave soon... I certainly don't see it in sight.
But I want to be ready.
I have my bags packed emotionally... in my heart I'm out the door but nobody else is. :) My other half certainly isn't. He wants to retire first... thats like 10000 years away as far as I'm concerned. 10 years, 10000 years...its all the same to me...forever away. So I guess I just keep playing keep up with the American life.... have a home, a puppy, lots of chocolate and pizza... go to parties..... Minister to anyone I can as often as I can.... but its just that sometimes I just want that 100% Consistency that you get from lets say YWAM.... because then your just IN...thats what you do...you spend everyday with that very thing to do.... go out and serve God...
I KNOW I KNOW I am doing my best to serve God every day... yeah yeah yeah I smile at the person at Walmart...maybe do a pay it forward, Foster care... etc... I know ... sure I know that... But I want to do more than acts of kindness and going to feed the homeless here and there.... smiling at a stranger to brighten their day...blah blah blah... not that I'm trying to minimize those things because they do take effort on our part...especially mine because I tend to plow through Kroger not looking at anyone but with one goal in mind, shop and get out. To concentrate to take the time to look at people and see if perhaps someone needs help getting something on top isle...sure yeah I can do that... its a small gesture... maybe it means the world to someone...I don't know.
I just have my mind set on other things that seem more gigormous... like leaving the country and being in street orphanages in Brazil....or living in the jungle in a hut and taking in babies that can't be cared for...thats what I got my heart set on... but unless I'm willing to go alone then nobody else is coming and Paul's job is like so secure its almost ironic. Yes I am SO thankful for his job... gosh yes. I'm just saying that I know he'd be willing to leave the country and be a missionary if he didn't have his job but its very stable and secure probably for a long time and he has no intentions on walking away from it because believe me, we have discussed it at length...
So, maybe I will stop looking out of the country and try to find something profoundly needful here to do. I do foster care but, babies are few and far inbetween... TX is trying to give children to their family first and they are working really hard at that and for someone like us who foster newborns... family members are usually found readily to take in the newborns. Until Annah is older, I am not venturing to take in older children and plus, I've just always fostered the babies....its where my heart leads me. Anyhoooooooooooos........ looks like a puppy is in site?????
"Every good thing in the Christian life grows in the soil of humility. Without humility, every virtue and every grace withers. That’s why Calvin said humility is first, second, and third in the Christian faith. "- John Piper