This is Dedisito. Dedisito is actually a girl but they do not have any girl clothes to fit her so she was always dressed in little boy outfits. She is one of a sibling group of 5 in the Los Palomas orphanage. Her father and older brother were shot and killed about 7 months ago as a 'hit'. Her mother was unable to care for the 5 children and brought them to the orphanage. Dedisito was probably around 7 months old. I estimate she is about 14 months of age now.I admit, as usual after returning home... I feel speechless. Shocked. Burdened. Sad. I don't want to be here. I want to be there. The need is so tremendous. When I was there, as I held a weeping 9 year old girl...actually it was Dedisito's older sister, as she was sobbing because "Quiro mama" which means "I want my mama".... I was weeping with her and my heart and my whole being was encompassed in the compassion and mercy that God feels towards these children. I spent the past week being encompassed in where God's heart is and I could feel it. As I looked around at these children my heart completely went into pieces. It is SO sad. SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO sad. So sad. They have no belongings of their own. They have no parents to brush their hair, tell them stories, laugh at their antics, become overjoyed by them...no one to delight in them. They have caretakers who come in daily to cook and clean and house parents who are at this time very weary and over burdened.
I also have very little doubt that other than the once of month visits they receive from the church that supports them that they get no other hugs and love throughout that month. I have all these thoughts running through my head.... I have this huge knot in my heart....seriously in the middle of my heart that is tight. I can't breath. I do not think this is necessarily a normal reaction .... I don't know what my problem is but I do know that just like last time it will take me some time to acclimate back into my world and life. Right now I just keep seeing little brown faces and outstretched arms and I can't see how on earth I can just keep going when I want to turn around go back there ...
Praying with you for these sweet children. God knows. He is there. He cries with you.
ReplyDeleteLibby, what you are experiencing is similar to what Elaine felt after coming back from a missionary trip to South Africa and Uganda. It took her a long time to get over the "reverse culture shock". If you were to ask her, she is still not over it several years later. In America and Canada we are so blessed by God that it is at times shameful. Hang in there, it is a sign of a big heart full of compassion to be affected so.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless!
What if we move there together and we are the house parents?? : )
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. I'm sure those kids were so blessed by your love and hugs!
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