"Let us think often that our only business in this life is to please God.
Perhaps all besides is but folly and vanity."
... Brother Lawrence


I am sitting here sipping on hot coffee. I like it piping hot. I have my hair in a bun and a Pug at my feet. Annah is still sleeping at 7:20 AM...probably because she just could not seem to fall asleep last night.

What will this day bring? Our last foster baby went home. We are open now for a new call. After having 3 babies in a row who suffered with colic... I almost hesitated...okay, thats not true... I really really hesitated to call CPS and make them aware to have us on the 'open' list.

It would really be easier to not foster... but God did pour into my heart a love to do this and I do not want to just hide it under a bushel. People love babies and I absolutely do... I love to nurture them and care for them and I could happily...if not lazily... rock them all day in pure joy.

However, most foster infants have been drug exposed and are premature. Therefore, either they will sleep alot or cry alot or both. They get headaches and withdrawals and while you instinctively and naturaly have a heart to hold them and love them... the crying is shrill and sometimes a constant shrill throughout the house for hours and hours.

So, therefore, I did hesitate this time to be on the open list because I know that once the bundle arrives... I have no idea what life will be like. If the baby is in pain, temperamental, colicky... it means I am more or less home bound for months with no escape from the crying. Its a choice. I do not have to do this. And this time, I chose to continue because I want to live my life before God and I don't want to be empty handed. I know I can skid by on His love but I really want to make Him happy and not just be a taker. I really do not have any other things in my life that move me so much as a baby... I can't think of anything else I want to do, not really. So I consider it a gift of God and I need to fully live it.

I'd still like to try out Panama and live life there, taking in the children who live as orphans without a big ole CPS organization to oversee them. But right now...this feels like my only gift...the gift to want to do it. Sometimes in the midst of the inconsolable constant crying I might say... "after this one we are closing our home"... but in the end, I won't do that. Not as long as its in my heart to nurture. Sometimes I ask God to open another door to ministry though...one that doesn't require 24/7 attention and that I am still being active but, where I can come home, close the door and be alone .... but so far, this is the heart He gave me and I plan on using it until I just can't. :)

I thought about telling the caseworker to put us on the open list but make sure its a baby that sleeps and doesn't cry. Ha! :)

I've probably tried every single gripe water, colic cure out on the market including the stuff imported from Germany.

I have bought all the 'miracle' swaddle blankets claiming to be the cure although none worked so now I found one called "Woombie" that I am getting...maybe that will be the miracle! :) I have every sling, swing, gadget or gizmo that is said to cure colic. White noise, nature noise...all kinds of noise CD's to play. But, the truth is.... babies cry and sometimes they cry and cry and cry and lets not be gentle...lets confess its not really a cry....its a shrill. :)

So today I ask my God...if there is a baby that needs to be identified and rescued and brought into a safe place for awhile, let it be here. Amen!