Sneezes, Expresso, Praying & Wondering

Yesterday I had a case of allergies. I was sneezing so badly that well... things were sneezing out.... yep. And, I enjoy being dramatic when I sneeze... so I make loud sneezes with sound effects.

But, yesterday, I had to take Annah to Gymnastics and I knew I had to have nice sneezes or no sneezes at all so I took Benedryl and in a brave effort to stay awake I consumed several diet cokes... which is a weakness because I know they are horrible to consume but still, I drank one after the other but, I was still druggy drowsy with that fog head feeling... yet I absolutely was not sneezing. So, after drinking 5 diet cokes I stopped at Starbucks and consumed a Grande Mocha Frappucina with 2 extra shots of expresso and I popped one of those stay alert pills... because I'm telling you, Benedryl will knock me out and I had to be awake for many hours to come.

But, come 2 AM I was still wide awake. Sooooo, I took a very uncommon amount of my peppermint Melatonin under the tounge tabs... they never kicked in.

I finally fell into a deep sleep around 3 and woke up again around 7 and I feel super great. I made it to the store yesterday and bought OTC Clariton so today is sneeze free and I am mentally and physically awake.

Paul is getting ready to work ... sadly the 2cd shift but, I keep telling him maybe God is just getting him ready to get out the door and on our way to the mission field after 33 years of the same Engineer job. It seems the more I say it, the more I can never even see it happening and it feels like just talk.... when he got called to do this 2cd shift...for the first time I thought...oh my gosh, this is just the beginnning...its really happening...they are moving him around to find something because they are not ready to let him go but what if in a few months they do??? For the first time ever it really felt like it could be happening and rather amazingly because he had been told he had 10 years of job security and I thought... 10 years... oh please I don't want to wait 10 years to goooooo and then BAM, within a day his entire job position and hours suddenly and rather dramatically changed albeit they told him its temporary.... I don't really know what is around the corner I guess. I do know that I have my bags packed in my mind and I am standing ready. I just wish I could settle one way or the other and not always be wanting to gooooooooo. I wish I just had a clear knowing. What I feel is that we will be gone but what if its just a deception and keeping me from being more focused right here? I've passed up the blessing of adopting on several occassions because I am so convinced we are leaving... I think the babies need families here and so many people want babies so I passed that up.... plus I'm older... but, not that that would really stop me if I thought we were really rooted and staying put here... hopefully I'm not just living some sort of dillusional deception. Thats a really depressing thought. !!!!!!!

All the same, this is where I'd like to go for training: HERE